An SNL skit at Target

A week ago I stopped at Target to grab a few cleaning products and a few food items. I added a few more food items as I perused the aisle but managed to get to the checkout line without too much impending damage to the Visa.

Then it hit me. The smell from the Pizza Hut kiosk wafted over as the gentleman was scanning my items.

Personal pizza meal deal? No. Have the spaghetti and garlic bread as you planned. But it smells good. No, use the food the in the house. It’s only seven bucks.

The scanning must have ended at that point during my internal struggle. Pizza Hut won out and I was pushing my cart over to the counter.

I found myself behind a mother daughter combo who apparently did not want one of the elephant ear looking items from the case (there were probably 12 of them in there). Nope, they wanted it fresh. So, the lone Pizza Hut worker was back and forth pulling the freshly baked heart attack out of the oven, dousing it with a butter, covering it in cinnamon – no, wait – the cinnamon ran out. The worker struggled with the replacement cinnamon, refilled the shaker, and finally finished the less than $3 purchase.

Getting frustrated by the wait, I was excited to say “Pepperoni meal deal please.” The lady pulled a personal pepperoni and flipped a medium drink cup on to the counter. During my wait for the elephant ear duo I had my credit card ready so the woman swiped it quickly. I noticed someone pulled in behind me in line but thought nothing of it.

“I’m sorry, you can’t have those breadsticks.”

“What? But there are 2 packs.”

“Yes, someone called ahead and ordered those. I made them for the call ahead, so you’ll have to wait. It will be 7 minutes.”

Well, there was my sign. It was not meant to be. Pizza Hut was out and it was time to go home for spaghetti and garlic bread.

“Sorry, ma’am, I’m not interested anymore.”

“No, I can just take the breadsticks off.”

She didn’t get it. The breadsticks were part of the allure. It was all or nothing. And she was getting nothing. I started to wonder. Who the heck “calls ahead” at the Target Pizza Hut kiosk?

Are you kidding me?

You plan out your trip to Target so thoroughly you CALL AHEAD for breadsticks? Really? Really?

I’m getting beside myself downloading this nonsense. I hand my card back to the woman. “Sorry, please just take it all off.”

“Sorry sir, I can’t put it back on your card on this machine. I can only give you cash.”

Right, of course you can’t, why would you be able to do that on THAT machine? Now I don’t get the Pizza Hut craving fulfillment, I have an extra $7 on my credit card to pay off at the end of the month that I didn’t really get anything for, AND I have $7 and change in my wallet. Cash. Who uses cash? Why do I want more cash?

Strike three, I’m out. Just as I hear the woman slide her cart up to the counter and say to the worker, “Hi! I’m your call ahead.”

Of course you are.